Best Of Alfred Part XXXIX

First the obvious: forget driving in the big cities. Only those with a death wish should drive in Rome, Florence, or Milan. Only the stoutest of heart can survive these cities. If you are like me, then MAYBE you can manage the back roads of Italy and Sicily.. I said maybe… because road signs always disappear at key times when you drive, and north means east and east means south it seems.

Renting a car is fun too. First, the size. A “sub- compact” in Europe translates into a sardine can here in the U.S. I am talking teeny-weeny. If you stand over five feet four inches tall and weigh over one hundred and fifty pounds, this class of car is not for you…definitely!

A “compact” car in Italy is really a “sub-compact” here in the States. Not teeny-weeny, just tiny, tiny - a slight improvement. While I can fit into one of that size, I had to get used to driving with the steering wheel in my chest, my face against the windshield, and my legs against my shoulders. Getting into one of those miniatures took me half an hour once!

“Mid-Sized” is acceptable…barely acceptable. Ford Focus or Fiat Punto- size means that if you travel with four pieces of luggage, only 2 fit in the “trunk” and the other 2 go in the back seat..standing up!

Yup, European rental cars are real pieces of work!

Gas? Sure…by the liter! A gallon of gas nowadays is nearly $7.00 a gallon. THAT is why people drive these tiny little things! The gas station attendant puts the gas in by the eye-dropper, I swear!

The horn? Probably more important than either the gas pedal or the brake, I have read that Italians honk their horns more than any other people in the world….really!

Thus, you have to be a daredevil if you want to drive there! Maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but driving around Italy certainly is an adventure, for sure. It is not unusual that when driving on a beautiful road in the backwoods of Sicily, you must pull over so that a herd of goats or sheep can cross the road or you find yourself behind a guy in a horse-drawn cart … cars zooming by in the other direction so you can’t pass him! I love that one!

Better still, ever see a tiny truck…with THREE wheels (one in the front, two in the back) loaded two stories high with bales of hay…and the whole thing leaning to the right driving on a highway? Do you try to pass or what?

I think you are getting the picture.

In Catania, I particularly love to park my nine foot long car in an assigned parking space that is nine feet one inch long. By the time I have backed up, pulled forward, backed up and pulled forward seven or eight hundred times, I am ready for the shower!

Small cars, high gas prices, non-existent parking spaces are nothing compared to driving in a mountain top town like Taormina, Bucheri, Bronte, or even parts of Palermo. Some of the streets in these towns look like the downward slopes of the Coney Island roller-coaster! The roads virtually a vertical drop! Try BACKING into a parking spot on one of those slopes! Believe me when I say that I have burned out one or ten clutches and countless emergency brakes!

Anyway, isn’t part of the allure of travel the adventure, you say? Sure it is…if your name is Evil Knievel, that is!